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June 2023 Guest Article: "Why Do We Talk More Than Listen?"

By Jo Haberstok posted 06/05/23 06:47 PM

  

WHY DO WE TALK MORE THAN LISTEN?

by Robert Boykin

I know a guy who can talk your ear off if you let him.  He’s a nice guy who has no shortage of ideas to explore and share.  But unfortunately, he behaves as if he has two mouths and one ear.  He falls in line with the words left behind well‑known educator and best-selling author Stephen Covey, who said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

I like to talk, too – but according to pundits, what we should be doing when we converse with others is trying to connect to gain a sense of understanding, acceptance, and validation.  So, if you find yourself in a conversation in which you are talking and not listening, you are probably not being conversational, and you are probably also not really connecting. 

According to an article I read, we humans communicate in four ways ‑ reading, writing, speaking, and listening.  Schools and colleges teach us to read and write.  Even speaking is now a field of professional teaching.  But the one skill that remains untaught is listening.  As a result, few people (who care about being a good listener) learn to really listen.  People who listen well are trusted more than those who grab the talking stick and barge straight into chatter.  Trust is the grease of changing minds, and listening is the key.  So, with that said, what changes have you made or are you going to make to become a better listener?

Below is an approach that was recently shared with me.  I think it makes a lot of sense.  Consider giving it a try.

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